Chapter1

            Evan looked at me with cloudy greenish hazel eyes full of pain and agony. He didn’t let go of my arm.

      “Aurora, please help me,” He whispered.

Blood trickled down his wrist. Cuts and bruises covered his face. The air smelled of fresh blood. Evan need my help, he needs me there with him. I’m the one he goes to with anything. His parents are drunken, and they would beat and beat Evan. All his life he’s been suffering with depression. I’m the only one who keeps him sane.

His eyes pleaded for help. He was throwing all his hope away and was slowly fading away. The only I could do was call child services so I picked up the phone and dialed the number. I told them how Evan needs be to be saved. I heard sirens coming from down the street where Evan lives. His parent’s were getting arrested for child abuse. Evan looked out the window.

A social worker came down to my house. She told Evan he would be put in a foster home. I begged and pleaded for Evan to stay with me, but it was no use. They stole Evan from me. That night was the last night I saw and spoken to Evan.

       “Evan!” I would cry out, standing in the middle of the road in the pouring rain.

Hayden, Evan’s eighteen year old brother would run out of the house at me crying Evan’s name. Since Hayden is eighteen and a legal adult he stayed behind and got his own house. I live with him since my parents are never home. He would drape his jacket over my shoulders and take me inside.

I sat down on the couch, shivering from the freezing cold and rain. Hayden started a fire in the fire place. He sat down next to me.

       “I know you miss Evan,” He would always say “And maybe you’ll see him again, we need to pray that he’s ok, I know he can’t stand not to be with you,”

I pray every night that he’s ok, and hope he’s in a good home. Evan does need to be with me, he even said it him self.

      “Aurora, I can’t be with out you by my side,” Evan’s voice echoed through my head.

I knew how much suffering he has gone through, even in school he would suffer. Students would pick on him and brutally jump him. He only a few friends, me, Jeremy, Megan, Dia, and Bryce. We would stand by his side but the only one he actually trusted was me. All our friends understood that he needed me the most.

I stared out the window watching the rain pour down. Missing Evan was tearing my heart apart. He was my comfort blanket. Evan not being has left me empty. I started crying. Hayden sat down next to me and pulled me into a comforting hug.

       “Aurora, it’s ok,” Hayden cooed.

            Day after day with out Evan continues to tear me apart. No one could replace Evan.

       “He’s fine,” My therapist said.

       “You don’t know that!” I screamed, “He even said so him self he can’t be with out me by his side!”

        “Aurora, hoping and praying that he is ok, he is ok, I know” She said again.

        “No! You don’t know! You say you know stuff but you don’t!” I screeched.

My therapist sighed as I continued to scream and yell at her. Hayden heard me from the waiting room and ran in.

        “Aurora, you need to calm down,” He said as he grabbed me.

Tears of frustration ran down my cheeks.

         “What ever crap you telling her about Evan, you need to stop,” Hayden said to the therapist, “She’s already been through enough,”

My therapist would tell me lies about Evan. She says she knows him, but I know she doesn’t.

            Hayden walked me out of the building.

         “You’re not going back to that therapist,” Hayden said as he climbed into his car.

         “That’s fine by me,” I said. Hayden looked at me.

         “We might have to find you a new therapist,” He said.

          “But I’m getting tired of jumping from therapist to therapist,” I whined, “Why do I have to see on any way?”

Hayden grabbed my arm and pulled my jacket sleeve up, revealing scars going up my arm.

        “This is why Aurora,” Hayden said, talking about the scars on my wrist and arm, “I almost lost you once, we’re not going down that road again,”

I pulled my arm away.

        “I haven’t token a razor to my wrist for a while!” I yelled.

Hayden ran his fingers through his hair.

        “I’m doing this for your safety,” Hayden said.

        “Well, you’re treating me like a baby!” I yelled.

        “What do you want me to do, Aurora?” Hayden yelled back.

        “Nothing any more, I’m moving back with my parents!” I screamed and then got out of his car.

Hayden drove off leaving me there. I walked down the side of the street and then sat down on the curb of a side walk. It became night time and I was still sitting on the side walk. Car after car would pass by. A car parallel parked near the curb I was sitting on. Some one got out of the car and walked towards me.

        “Aurora,” It was Hayden.

I looked up at him.

        “Please, don’t move out, I’m sorry,” Hayden said.

        “I’m not going to move out, you’re like my brother,” I said as I stood up.

Hayden hugged me and I hugged him back. We walked over to his car and then got in. Hayden drove off to the house and pulled into the drive way. I hopped out of the car and walked into the house with Hayden following behind me.

          “Aurora, I’m not going to make you see another therapist,” Hayden said.

          “Thanks,” I said and then walked upstairs to my room.

I changed into my pajamas and then climbed into bed. It took awhile for me to fall asleep but I did finally fell asleep.

            I woke up the next morning and got ready for school. Grabbing my messenger bag and slinging it over my shoulder, I walked downstairs. I walked out the front door. Jeremy waited for me at the end of the street.

        “How’ve you been?” He asked.

        “Not so good,” I answered.

       “Yah, I miss Evan too,” Jeremy said as he wrapped an arm around my shoulders.

       “I’m stressing Hayden out though,” I sighed.

       “How?” Jeremy asked.

       “Because of all the crying, and then the cutting, taking me to therapist to therapist,” I answered.

        “But you’re doing better though,” Jeremy said.

        “Kind of,” I said.

        “You’ll make it through this,” Jeremy said.

         “I hope so,” I said as we walked into the school building.

         “Well I’ll see you after class,” Jeremy said, hugged me and then we walked off in different directions.

I entered my 1^st period classroom and sat in the back. A conversation about Evan was going on between a group sitting in front of me and the words they were saying were cruel.

I tried to hold back tears that were threatening to break free, but they flowed down my cheeks. I grabbed my bag and ran out of the room. I went to the front office to call Hayden.

          “Hello?” Hayden on the other line asked.

          “Hayden, it’s Aurora, can you please come pick me up?” I asked.

           “Are you sick?” He answered.

           “No, but please pick me up,” I begged.

           “Fine, I’ll be there in five minutes,” Hayden grumbled and hung up.

I put the phone back on the receiver and then sat down on a bench. Hayden showed up five minutes later. He signed me out and then we walked out of the school building. I climbed into the passenger seat of his car.

           “So why did you want me to come pick you up?” Hayden asked as he drove home.

           “Because I couldn’t take how every one is talking about Evan in mean ways,” I answered.

            “What are they saying?” Hayden asked.

            “They were just saying cruel things about him,” I answered.

Hayden sighed. He knows how the kids at school would pick on Evan when he was here.

            “Do you just want me to home school you?” Hayden asked.

            “I don’t know,” I answered.

Hayden pulled into the drive way of our house. I got out of the car and then walked inside the house.

             “Well, if you want me to home school you, just tell me,” Hayden said.

             “Ok,” I muttered and then ran upstairs.

I slammed my bedroom door behind me. A few tears slowly ran down my cheeks. I cried out in.

            I opened the bathroom door, walked in and then slammed it behind me. I turned on the shower and then sat on the edge of the bath tub as the water ran. After the water warmed up, I hopped in. My frustration went away.

            I got out of the shower, changed into pajamas and then walked downstairs.

           “Hayden?” I called out.

No answer. On the table was a note.

            Aurora, I had to go to work, be back around seven, there’s food in the fridge for you to make dinner – Hayden.

I sighed and put the note back down on the table. A knock on the door made me jump and then I kind of laughed to my self as I answered the door. It was Jeremy.

          “Hey,” Jeremy greeted.

          “C’mon in,” I said.

He walked inside and then I closed the door behind him.

          “Why did you leave school early?” He asked as we sat down on the couch.

          “I couldn’t handle every one talking crap about Evan,” I answered.

          “Yah,” Jeremy sighed, “I just wanted to make sure you’re ok,”

          “Thanks,” I said.

          “Any thing for my best friend,” Jeremy said.

I smiled at him. He smiled back.

          “Where’s Hayden?” Jeremy asked.

          “At work,” I answered.

          “And he left you here by your self?” Jeremy asked.

          “I’m not a little kid,” I said.

          “But still,” Jeremy argued.

I didn’t argue back. Jeremy doesn’t like when I’m left home alone because of what happened the last time I was home alone.

           “I’m going argue with you, I know why you don’t like me being home alone,” I said.

          “I just want you safe, and ok,” Jeremy said.

          “I under stand,” I said, “But I can be left home every once in a while,”

         “Yah, I know,” Jeremy sighed.

         “I’m fine though, you don’t need to worry,” I said reassuring him.

         “But I still do sometimes,” He said.

I looked down at the ground, knowing I was also worrying my friends. Dia would cry, Megan would freak out, and Jeremy and Bryce would just worry their butts off about me. It’s just that I need Evan with me. You’d think I’d move on, but you are so wrong. Evan and I have been through everything together. It’s just not that easy to move on. Nothing is the same ever since Evan left.

The thing is…I never got to tell him how I feel about him. You see, ever since the seventh grade I like him more than a best friend, but I was too scared to tell him how I felt for him. I might not even get to tell him how I feel about him.

I sighed and then stood up. Jeremy stood up with me.

        “I’m going to head home,” Jeremy said.

        “Ok, thanks for stopping by,” I said.

Jeremy headed out the door and the door closed behind him. I stood there for awhile but then I plopped back down on the couch. Hayden came home around seven, just like he said in the note he left.

          “Did you eat dinner?” He asked.

          “No, I wasn’t really hungry,” I answered.

Hayden nodded his head and walked into the kitchen. He pulled out two TV dinners from the freezer and then put them in the microwave.

          “Do you think that we can try to get in contact with Evan?” I asked.

Chapter2

            Maybe another week would rush by. Days would either pass by slowly or pass by rather quickly, but nothing was something to remember. I’ve thought of a way, though, to get in touch with Evan. Call the social worker that took him from me. Maybe she’ll tell me where he is, maybe she won’t, but it doesn’t hurt to try.

            I picked up the phone, dialed the number and then pressed the phone to my ear.

       “Hello?” A lady’s voice on the other line asked.

       “Uhm, hi, this is Aurora, I know Evan, I would just like to know how he is or if I can get any contact with him,” I answered.

       “Oh, I remember you, ok, I do visit Evan at his foster home every other day, and he is doing ok,”The lady said, “I have the number for you to contact him,”

She gave me the number so I can contact Evan/

        “Thanks so much,” I said.

        “You’re welcome,” She said, “Bye,”

I hung up and then dialed the number she gave me.

         “Hello?” A guy’s voice on the other line asked.

         “Hi, is Evan there?” I asked nervously.

         “This is him, who’s this?” He answered.

         “It’s Aurora,” I said.

         “Oh my god! Aurora! I thought I’d never get to talk to you again, I miss you so much,” Evan exclaimed.

         “Well, I’m a smart thinker and called the social worker, she gave me the number to contact you,” I said, “I miss you too,”

We talked for I don’t know how many hours, but we talked for awhile. We caught up on everything.

          “Hey, let’s IM each other,” Evan said, “Talk to you in a few,”

          “Okie dokie,” I said and then we hung up.   

I grabbed my laptop off the table and then turned it on.

           “Hi,” Evan messaged me.

           “Hey,” I messaged back.

           “What’s up?”

           “Nothing, listening to music, what about you?”

           “Ah, same here, and getting yelled at,”

           “Why?”

           “It’s something my foster parents do on a daily basis,”

           “Wow, some foster parents,”

           “Yah, tell me about it, but how have you been?”

           “Uhm, not so good,”

           “Awh, what’s the matter?”

           “You not being here with me, I’m stressing your brother out because of it,”

           “How???”

          “Well, I would cut myself, cry, Hayden has to take me from therapist to therapist because of it”

          “I wish I was there with you T.T”

          “I wish you were here too….”

                        Last message received 10:00pm, Oct. 18^th

            Evan and I would talk every now and then, but not so often. He’s parents don’t let him use the phone and his laptop that often. I’m kind of in a better mood since I got to talk to him but it’s not the same as him being here.

            Well, at least I got to talk to him instead of going through life not evening having any contact with him.

            All starts to crumble down when I lost contact with him. No emails or IM’s, no one answers when I call and no one calls back. Now I’m even more depressed than I was before. Hayden is even more stressed because now he has to take me to therapist to therapist.

        “When will you want to come pick her up?” I heard Hayden on the phone.

I stopped in my tracks and hid so I could listen on what he was saying.

         “Ok, so tomorrow at 3:00pm?” Hayden asked, “Ok, that will do, ok buh bye,”

He hung up with the phone and then I ran upstairs to my room. Hayden walked in a few minutes later.

          “Aurora, I need to tell you something,” Hayden said.

          “Ok,” I said.

          “You’re aunt is coming tomorrow at three to pick you up, you’re going to be leaving with her,” Hayden said.

           “No, how can you do this to me!? I don’t want to live with her, I want to stay here!” I yelled as tears ran down my cheeks.

           “Aurora, I can’t handle taking you to therapist to therapist, staying up all night to make sure you are ok,” Hayden said, “Your aunt will take better care of you than I have,”

           “My aunt won’t take better care of me, you’ve been taking great care of me,” I said.

          “Then why did you almost die because I left you alone?” Hayden asked.

Hayden saying that made more tears burst out of my eyes.

          “That wasn’t your fault,” I sobbed, “Please don’t make me move,”

          “I’m sorry, but this is better for you,” Hayden said, “It’s better this way,”

          “I thought you said you’ll always be there for me,” I whispered.

Hayden did say that, he did say that he’ll always be there for me after Evan left.

          “I will always be here for you,” The words of Hayden echoed through my head.

I ran downstairs and out the door, the door slamming behind me. My mind said keep running, don’t stop, just keep running, but a part of me wanted to stop running. I continued to run though, even though I knew I shouldn’t.

            I eventually did stop running. I didn’t know where I was, it was too dark to tell and I was scared. Being out in the dark all alone made me scared and nervous. I don’t know where I am. Luckily I had my cell phone with me. I pulled in out of my back pocket and then dialed Hayden’s number.

         “Hello?” He asked when he answered the phone. He had panic in his voice.

         “Hayden,” I said with a quivery voice.

         “Aurora, where are you?” Hayden asked.

         “I don’t know,” I answered.

        “I will try to find you don’t move from where you are,” Hayden said and then hung up.

I put my phone back in my pocket and didn’t move from where I was standing. The wind picked up blowing a freezing cold breeze my way. I wrapped my arms around myself, shivering.  

            It was more than three hours I was out in the dark and freezing cold, not moving from where I was standing. I was so stupid from running off. Cars would pass by, but no of them were Hayden’s car. My legs were aching from standing that long. Each minute rushed by. No one coming to save me.

            I couldn’t take standing out in the dark and cold anymore. I started to walk back from where I was running, re-tracing my steps. I was careful on where I was walking because it was dark and I couldn’t really see where I was going. My breath could be seen in the icy air.

            A car passed by and then quickly stopped. Some one ran out of the car and then ran over to me, picking me up in a bear hug. It was Hayden, I could tell by the smell of his cologne and the twinkle in his eyes.

        “I’m so glad I found you,” Hayden said, he hugged me tighter.

        “Can’t…breathe,” I chocked out.

        “Sorry,” Hayden said as he let me go.

            We entered the house, and I sat down on the couch, in front of the fire place. Hayden walked over and sat down next to me.

         “I know you don’t want to move in with your aunt, but it’s the best thing for you right now,” Hayden said.

         “I under stand,” I said, “I will go pack,”

I got up, without even looking at Hayden and walked upstairs to my room, having the door slam behind me. I grabbed a suitcase out of my closet and started packing my stuff. Picking up a picture frame with a picture of me and Evan in it, I gently set it in my suitcase and then zipped it closed.

            I sat crossed legged on my bed, staring out my bedroom window, thinking maybe Hayden is right. Maybe going to live with my aunt is the best thing right now for me. I lie back on my bed and then slowly fell asleep to the beating of my heart.

            The sun brightly shined through my window making me roll over on my stomach and bury my face in my pillow. Hayden from downstairs told me to get up, but I didn’t listen. Footsteps came walking up the stairs and my door opened.

         “Aurora, get up, now,” Hayden ordered.

         “Leave me alone,” I growled through my teeth.

Hayden groaned in frustration and walked back downstairs. I did get up eventually though. I dragged my self to the bathroom, changed and then walked down stairs.  Hayden was sitting on the couch, watching TV. I looked at the clock, 2:55. My aunt will be here any minute now. 

            Knock

            Knock

            Knock

       “That’s your aunt,” Hayden said as he got up and then answered the door.

He let my aunt in and then closed the door behind her. I walked upstairs, grabbed my suitcase, and then walked back downstairs.

        “You ready to go?” My aunt asked.

        “I guess,” I murmured.

Hayden gave me a hug.

         “Be good,” He said, letting me go.

I followed my aunt out the door and then climbed in the back seat of her car. She climbed into the driver’s side and then drove off.

            It was a four hour drive till we got to my aunt’s house. When we finally arrived, we got out of the car, walked inside and my aunt showed me my room. My aunt walked downstairs and I entered my new room, slamming the door behind me. I threw my suitcase against the wall, making a loud noise.

            I heard my cousin Claire and her friend come laughing up the stairs.

       “Yah, my cousin is coming to live with us now,” She said with disgust.

Her friend giggled. You see, Claire is the most popular girl in the school and she looks down on anyone who’s different with disgust…especially me.

         “Isn’t she a freak?” Her friend asked.

         “Yah,” Claire answered.

I noticed there were two beds in the room. One side was all covered in bright pink, Claire’s side of the room. I groaned at sharing a room with Claire. The door opened and some one made a noise in disgust.

         “What are you doing in my room?” Claire asked.

         “We have to share a room,” I mumbled.

She groaned and then ran downstairs.

         “Why do I have to share a room with that freak?!” She shouted at her mom.

         “She is your cousin and you will share a room with her!” Her mom shouted back, “You need to stop your whining! You don’t always get what you want!!!”

         “UGH!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!” Claire screamed.

Her high heeled feet ran up the stairs.

          “I want you out of my room!” Claire yelled at me.

          “You’re sharing a room with her and that’s final!!!” My aunt screamed from downstairs.

Claire groaned out in frustration and sat on her bed. I turned my back towards her and started unpacking my stuff.

            Hayden says this will better for me…HA! It’s not. You think that living with my aunt won’t add on to my problems but it has…Claire hating my guts and wanting me out of her life.

            Oh and that’s not the end of it….I get picked on at school!! Hayden was wrong…this isn’t better for me…it’s actually worse. I wish I could go back to live with Hayden, but for right now I’m stuck living with my aunt and Claire. I hate this right now. I miss my friends, Hayden and I still miss Evan.

            I wish I can be wished away…until I find my place in this world. Where do I go now? I’m so far from the willing. I’m so caught up inside to know what’s real. How hard will it get till things start to fall apart and start to blur? Is it to much to ask to be saved? Will every thing ever be back to normal again and the scars will remain our past?

            Moving on is the one thing I never want to do. I can’t move on from Evan. Think that I’m over reacting about Evan getting away from me? Well, you’re wrong. He was my comfort blanket….some one I fell in love with

Chapter3

        “No one wants you around! So just get out of our lives!!” Claire screamed at me.

A few tears fell out of my eyes, burning my cheeks.

         “I don’t even know how you’re my cousin,” She said in disgust and then walked out of the front door.

Finally silence. I ran upstairs to mine and Claire’s room, searched through my suitcase, and found a razor blade.

            Holding my breath, I held the cold silver metal to wrist. Closing my eyes as tears fell from my eyes, I dragged the blade across my wrist, bearing the pain. Blood oozed out from the cut and then ran down my arm. I grabbed a wash cloth and held it to my wrist. When the bleeding stopped I moved the wash cloth away from my wrist and threw it in my laundry basket. I walked into the bathroom and find a band-aid big enough to cover the cut.